Useless advice for the laid-off
Tags: advice for the laid off, advice for unemployed, economy, laid off, recession, unemployed
There’s an article floating around the web. Actually, it’s not just one article but one theme with about 10,000 variations. These articles are usually called something like “What to do when you’re laid off”.
And here’s the thing: I think they’re written by someone who’s working.
That’s because so much of what’s flogged as helpful advice to the recently-axed is anything but. In fact, some of it can be downright dangerous.
It runs the gamut from minimizing the impact, to making unrealistic expectations, to being completely out of touch with life on Planet Unemployed.
Read on for some of the prime examples from a variety of articles from different authors. I’ve included URLs for each example to verify these are genuine nuggets of advice offered up as instructions for living your life following a layoff. But don’t waste your time. Really.
The Just-Get-Over-It Approach
“If you’re laid off, you’ll need to overcome the initial shock and demoralization and move on quickly and confidently.” (http://tinyurl.com/dggwey)
Uh, yeah, that’s helpful. Losing a job can be utterly devastating. As I reported on a post some time back, the Holmes and Rahe stress scale ranks it as more stressful than mortgage foreclosure, pregnancy, serious illness of a family member or even gaining a new family member. Like a baby. So let’s see. How helpful is it to tell someone whose spouse has just been diagnosed with cancer, or someone who’s just had a baby, to “get over the initial shock and move on quickly.” These types of admonishments can make you feel there’s something wrong if you’re having difficulty regaining your confidence or moving forward. There isn’t. It’s normal. And the only way over it is through it.
The Laughingly Unrealistic
“Do things that will get you to be recognized as a world leader in the field you want to be in.“(http://tinyurl.com/35sxon)
This reminds me of signs I see in restaurants advertising “World Famous Apple Pie”. Like where?
The Glaringly Obvious
“Review your financial situation. You may have set aside what seemed like a reasonable amount for a rainy day, but if your unemployment goes beyond a month or two, you may need to make some lifestyle adjustments.” (http://tinyurl.com/b2ro8k)
It’s hard to imagine that there’s an individual who’s been laid off or fired who hasn’t instantly seen their financial life flash before their lives like the flash of light before death. And then feared that every little piece of paid-for indulgence in their life was going to be revoked quickly and painfully.
The Out-of-Touch
“If your feelings of anger, sadness or helplessness persist beyond a few weeks, consider getting short-term therapy for depression.” (http://tinyurl.com/bh6emm)
The thing about prolonged unemployment is that things often don’t progress in a straight line. Until things right themselves – which usually means finding a job and feeling secure about income again – it’s natural to experience bouts of anger, sadness and helplessness. It’s natural to have 2 steps forward, 1 step back, or even 1 step forward, 2 steps back, and so on. To suggest that these feelings persisting beyond a few weeks is abnormal is unhelpful. That said, I’m a big fan of therapy helping you deal with trauma and stress — if you can afford it at the same time your paycheck has been yanked, go for it. And therein lies another incidental problem with this advice given probably by someone with a paycheck: at a time that you could really benefit from counseling, there simply may be no way to pay for it.
The Outright Dangerous
“You need to get your mind off of losing your job and get out of the house and meet people. If you’re single, there is no better way than dating.” (http://tinyurl.com/by8azs)
So, you’re feeling sad, angry and depressed….and you’re going to make healthy choices in the dating department? This advice is about as helpful as advising you go out and have a quick rebound relationship when you’ve been dumped. Or suggesting you self-medicate through sex.
The Wishful Thinking
“Now is the best time to pick up a hobby you’ve always wanted to do but never had time for. diddit is a relatively new social network for finding people who are doing the things you want to do. Use it to learn more or just find partners to go skydiving with.” (http://tinyurl.com/by8azs)
Who wrote this really? Must be from the skydiving school.
More from the Pick-Yourself-Up-by-the-Bootstaps Useless Bucket
“But don’t let your layoff get you down. Be sure to take care of yourself, both physically and mentally. Stick to a regular exercise program. Get involved in outdoor sports. You need to look sharp when you go to job interviews.” (http://tinyurl.com/bvzup9)
This is like telling a kid to eat their vegetables. The amount of good-for-you advice given to people experiencing a layoff is impressive. But statements like these show a staggering lack of understanding of the emotional pain inherent in losing a job — yet the author freely dispenses with advice nonetheless.
The Too-Little-Too-Late
“Take a few minutes to connect with everyone before you leave the premises. Get everyone’s contact information and future plans. You never know if you might need them.” (http://tinyurl.com/b6cbmu)
Whoever wrote this advice for the laid off must have mastered time travel, hoping you read it before the event actually happens. They’re also hoping that in the immediate minutes following the news, when your pink slip is still fluttering in your hand, you’re going to have the presence of mind to methodically build your rolodex.
More Don’t-Be-a-Freakin’-Wuss
“Don’t be a victim. Don’t whine. Don’t let people whine to you. Get busy on the next phase of your life.” (http://tinyurl.com/b6cbmu)
Enough said.
The Golden Opportunity
“This is the time that you can spend Organizing Your Life! Remember when you said to your friend , “One of these days I am going to get everything in my house organized” . Well, today is the day to start!” (http://tinyurl.com/d4qnz8)
I’m not a violent person. But I’d like to slap silly who ever wrote this. Especially for the exclamation marks.
The I’d-Rather-Beat-My-Head-Against-a-Wall
“See if you can keep coming into the office.” (http://tinyurl.com/bh6emm)
If you don’t have them at home, there are computers in libraries. Photocopy machines at Kinkos. And better companionship in your best friends and family. It would take a very thick skin — like Ironman’s — or very special workplace relationships to re-enter the environment you were just booted from.
Tags: advice for the laid off, advice for unemployed, economy, laid off, recession, unemployed
Raven said:
Feb 25, 09 at 5:49 amI practically died laughing when I read this. When you are fired, the first thing most people want to do is get out - and fast.
No matter how you cut it, being fired is still embarrassing (and those feelings are further compounded when your ex-boss hovers around your desk while you clean it off).
I think that’s what a lot of that advice is missing, handling the embarrassment (among other conflicting emotions) that immediately affect you when you are let go. Being advised to get over it or solidify contacts is not only unrealistic - but a little insensitive, too.
Tina said:
Feb 25, 09 at 7:20 amThis is almost like hearing child rearing tips from people who’ve never had children! “If that were my child…”.
All around me people are losing their jobs, their pay is being cut or their hours and benefits are being cut. Something is happening at my friend’s job today…just don’t know what it is yet. We usually chat every morning on his way to work - not today. He finally texted and said, “No, things are not OK. Will call you at lunch when I can talk”. They’ve all ready closed four offices and only have one left. If they let more people go today the article above would not be helpful. It would add insult to injury.
fired said:
Feb 25, 09 at 11:07 amRaven - for sure. Embarrassment and shame are biggies. Very little is said about it when people are offering advice on how to deal.
Tina — I laughed out loud at your comparison to getting advice from how to raise your child from people who have never had one! So true!!! :-
Tina said:
Feb 25, 09 at 11:38 amUpdate: My friend is losing his house. Could not continue to keep up the payments. Sooner or later, things have got to turn around and the work has to start rolling in for people so they can earn their full salaries and benefits. Crazy times. Silver lining? Me, being gainfully unemployed, will be up there helping to pack etc. This too shall pass.
BigDaddyCool said:
Feb 25, 09 at 4:16 pmI think you’re right, I think this was written by someone who is still working.
I find it amazing that everyone else knows how to better handle being laid-off then the person that it is actually happening to. That’s like those people who come up to you when you are down, get in your face and say “Smile, it can’t be that bad!!!” I just want to say to those people “Oh yeah? Well, let me tell you about my life right now…”
Justgot Canned said:
Feb 25, 09 at 4:45 pmthe Lil nugget of advice they really NEED to give to the freshly disenfranchised is to avoid reality television like the plague. OMFG I have been sucked into a reality television hell.
Bravo TV and VH1 are currently battleing for top the list of why my house is a freaking mess, i am still in sweats and have not no idea what’s for dinner..you figure it out..this is my hell..I have to answer to my family as to what the “f” I have been doing all day ..Top Chef NYC, The real housewives of NYC, The psychopathic and oddly pathetic cat fights on the Housewives of OC, then there is VH1 and the just a creepy bit too old for the skanks he has competeing for him but did not get the memo Bret Micheals and his Rock of Love tour bus, the back stabbing free for all “I love money 2″, The obviously fake cast of the ever so stupid but I watch it anyways..” Tool academy” I swear it is worse than gambling, heroin and crack combined !! The more I tell my self I am not going to watch today the more I am drawn to the TV and the next thing I know my day is gone..
On a positive note…My unemployment was approved and I got my first check finally!! now I can buy bon bons to enjoy with my television crack fest.
fired said:
Feb 25, 09 at 5:43 pmCanned — too funny, too sad, I’ve been there. The unemployed daytime stupor — enjoy the bon bons! -)
PW said:
Feb 25, 09 at 7:01 pmHi “Fired” - great list and follow-up commentary. I particularly liked the one about asking if I could still come into the office after getting fired or let go. If that really happened, I’m not sure who’d I feel more sorry for. The person who just got fired and asked or the dumb-founded person who now has to field the question. Although I have to admit it might have been tempting to have gone to the Christmas party last year if they had asked me.
Renee said:
Feb 26, 09 at 1:15 pmThank you, made me laugh till my stomach hurt. Having been off just over a week, things like this really cheer a person up. Once again thank for the laugh.
fatseal said:
Mar 01, 09 at 10:26 amI have been a stay at home Mom, but my husband lost his job in October, so he’s trying to find a job and I’m looking too. And trying to keep his spirits up, everyone fed, and him not wallowing in World of Warcraft instead of sending out his resume.
Oh, and explaining to companies that I willingly quit my job to stay home with children. That gets some strange looks, let me tell you. Foreclosure, staved it off, barely. We’re had to apply for food stamps, the most humiliating and frustrating experience of my life. Phones been cut off a few times, electric, as well.
No, these self help articles have no clue, none at all. They are funny, though. In a sick, sad sort of way.
Dianne said:
Mar 02, 09 at 10:14 amI’m not sure why we stand around being embarrassed about being unemployed. We have so much company. I am not my job. In my case, they fired me (a part time worker) and switched in a full time person who made twice the salary (but had nothing much to do in her old job except paint her office bright pink) and she is now happily working thirty hours and getting paid for forty. She had union vesting behind her, and she will retire out with a healthy pension. Meanwhile, I’m looking for work. Yes, I’m angry about it…but I also recognize there is nothing I can do about that. So I’ve moved on; for one thing, I know she’s a diva and my revenge will be that they are now stuck with a demanding, complaining worker because of union rules (she’s already gotten the office redecorated because she threatened to sue if she didn’t get want she wanted…what a savings!) so I can now be more amused than angry about the situation they’ve put themselves in. I don’t really understand why you make fun of the advice saying to reach out to friends (not for money, but for company) and to take as good a care as you can of yourself. Since being unemployed, I’ve changed my eating habits (partially to save money, but the offset has been healthier, cheaper choices), and taken daily walks with my dog (which is an excellent way to release the anger, sorrow, and general stress of waking up unemployed). There is free counseling (financial and personal available) and pursuing it may help some people. It’s easy to criticize; harder to come up with something useful. Some of the advice is stupid, but some of it is actually decent. Yes, you do need a sense of humor while surviving this, so I do understand the humor part of your posting, but I’m afraid you’re throwing away some good advice in your pursuit of easy sarcasm.
FFN said:
Mar 02, 09 at 10:30 amHi Dianne — I agree with everything you’ve said. Reaching out to friends is critical, as is taking good care of yourself and creating good habits to manage your way through this. (My dog, too, gives me the excuse to get out and walk, which as you say, is a great release.) What I object to is glib, good-for-you advice that seems to discount or minimize how big a blow losing a job is. For many, especially if they are a main provider for a family and carrying considerable financial obligations, it can be devastating. And when someone is reeling from such a traumatic event, it’s not very helpful to simply say “get on with things”. You talk about releasing anger, sorrow and stress — but these articles don’t mention those. They gloss over how big the impact is. So yes, absolutely you need a good plan for moving forward, and at the same time, acknowledge the challenge for what it is and honor your feelings.
FFN said:
Mar 02, 09 at 10:32 amp.s. Dianne — you have some great suggestions here. I’d love to encourage you to post on the forum where your ideas will live beyond this particular post and be seen by a wider audience.
sarahkate said:
Mar 05, 09 at 5:22 pmI wish someone would come up with a good explanation of why people who slack and rip off the company get to keep their jobs and the hardworking types who show up every day ON TIME in a GOOD MOOD ready willing and able to work - and do so - get the pink slip - not fired, just “laid off for lack of work” the catch phrase which gets you qualified for unemployment insurance pay (even though in reality there was plenty of work). A former co-worker of mine actually did not show up for work except for ONE day last summer, supposedly “working at home” (the rest of us had proof there was no work getting done) plus she fraudulently obtained more than she was entitled to on travel and other reimbursements. Those of us who knew didn’t turn her in because whistleblowers can be sued in civil court and no one could afford to have a lawyer defend us if the whistleblowee decided to take revenge. So WHY do the bad guys get rewarded and the good guys get punished by losing their jobs? We worked. She didn’t. We don’t have jobs now. She’s still employed. What gives with this???
Karol Frame said:
Mar 13, 09 at 7:04 pmThis is written from someone who is working. The advice, although may sound good, actually depends on who sees this article and their circumstances. Everyone handles a lay off or being fired differently, and emotions always run high in the beginning. In order for people to get over the initial shock of it, they need time to come to terms with their demise. I think this is one person’s opinion but definately written by someone already employed. I personally know what I went through and had to do to pull myself out the emotions I was feeling to be benefitial to me.
Suzie Harfnan said:
Apr 04, 09 at 10:16 amHaha, this made me laugh. It is true, a lot of laid off advice is terrible. It is in fact written by someone who is working because chances are, the advice appears in a magazine, which is written by an author who is *obviously* employed at a company. Talk about hypocritical.
There’s a lot of “fake it until you make it” mentality out there, and it shows in the bad advice that we all hear. Good job letting us know the real deal, fired. I really love your candid, upfront, realistic points of view.
max said:
May 27, 09 at 7:35 amiam in a company where iam in constant threat of getting laid off (for over a year). i think its natural to get -ve after getting canned. we have to somehow ‘force’ +ve thoughts onto ourselves. not exactly sure how though.. probably different for each person
Mel @ Make Rain said:
Jul 17, 09 at 2:46 amGreat read entertaining and very funny. I am really blessed to have not lost my job, and I really feel for all those who have but post like this can only keep the spirits up and attitudes positive.
Useless advice for the Unemployed @ 3D CAD, Renderings, & other things… said:
Jul 17, 09 at 6:58 pm[...] you want to read more… Read the full article here. var addthis_pub = ”; var addthis_language = ‘en’;var addthis_options = ‘email, favorites, digg, [...]
lynnscott said:
Jul 30, 09 at 4:57 amDianne I do agree to what you say.all this advice means difrent things to diffrent people stupid as they are some are good you do have to cut your spending and look at your food bill elec perhaps
visit some department and ask how you are charged mobile phone look for cheaper cost all round you will br surprised at the savings,and when a job? comes your way the salary may be less you are ready for anything,I was laid off and I did the above I now have a few days with one company/and work for another hourly,by working this way I don’t have time to get down I do have dreams and have lost them just for now I will hang on to them. Walking clear my mind.To all you out there don’t give up on who you are and your dreams,when the markets get better they will need us…..Good Luck
lynnscott said:
Jul 30, 09 at 5:02 amDianne… I do agree to what you say.All this advice means diffrent things to diffrent people stupid as they are some are good you do have to cut your spending and look at your food bill elec perhaps
visit some department and ask how you are charged mobile phone look for cheaper cost all round you will be surprised at the savings,and when a job? comes your way the salary may be less you are ready for anything,I was laid off and I did the above I now have a few days with one company/and work for another hourly,by working this way I don’t have time to get down I still have my dreams and have not lost them just for now I will hang on to them. Walking clear my mind.To all you out there don’t give up on who you are and your dreams,when the markets get better they will need us…..Good Luck
lynnscott said:
Jul 30, 09 at 5:05 amSorry a few problems with my computer.
Alan Dolan said:
Feb 19, 10 at 1:31 amBefore you are made redundant you need to think about how you are going to protect yourself and your family especially if you are the only one working in the household. If you have insurance or some form of income protection that will bring in some money in the short term; it will help you cope much better if one gets into trouble. No matter how well you are able to cope with bad news you have to work through the initial shock, it helps if you have support from your friends and family. Once you have dealt with the initial shock and hopefully you do have some income protection, the first thing you need is focus! Start looking for work, do those jobs around the house that you have been putting off, explore starting your own business. There are many things that you can do to keep busy but what is really important is that you are networking as much as you can the more people you meet the better the chance that something will come you way. If you haven’t lost your job yet get income protection and always have a plan B. This comes from someone who has been made redundant twice over the last two years.
cosplay said:
Jun 24, 10 at 12:34 aminitial shock and hopefully you do have some income protection, the first thing you need is focus! Start looking for work, do those jobs around the house that you have been putting off, explore starting your own business. There are many things that you can do to keep busy but what is really important is that you are networking as much as you can the more people you meet the better the chance that something will come you way. If you haven’t lost your job yet get income protection and always have a plan B. This comes from someone who has been made redundant twice over the last two years.
Kylie Sanchez said:
Jul 02, 10 at 8:57 pmFood Stamps are nice and handy if you want some fast meals.;~:
Charles Cox said:
Jul 19, 10 at 6:07 pmFood Stamps are great and i wish that there were more of them.:’-
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