Getting laid off wasn’t my fault, but at some level I still think it was
Tags: economy, job loss, laid off, unemployed
I have a confession to make.
I have to admit to a small-minded, not-so-pretty response to hearing the news that 16 more people were just let go by the company that laid me off last November.
Without question, my heart goes out to those affected. But there’s something else going on. While I hate what’s happening to the individuals, I also feel a sense of satisfaction at the news.
Okay, now you must think I’m some awful cruel-hearted monster. But no, what I’m feeling is a sense of vindication. And I think that goes straight to the heart of what so many of us feel in the face of job loss. That, at some level, it’s our fault.
It doesn’t matter that thousands and thousands of others are also experiencing it. I think in some way, many of us still harbor a sense that, deep down, it’s our doing. Why weren’t we one of the ones left standing?
It doesn’t even have to be rational.
We may have worked for a company that went under completely. Gone from the corporate landscape. Well, we should have seen it coming earlier…or so the self-talk goes.
We may have been just one of many in a deep and wide cut made by HR. We may ask ourselves why weren’t we one of those who were retained?
We could have left one job for another in the last year or two, and been the victim of a last-in/first-out scenario. We tell ourselves we shouldn’t have ever left the old job.
I was let go at the very start of the economic downturn last November. I had been hired only two months earlier. The company I had joined was just coming out of two very successful years, with significant growth, a lot of industry attention, and was feeling pretty cocky. When I was let go, there was a very vague explanation given, and I was left with an agonizing sense of confusion, even though three others were let go the same day.
As a deeper round of layoffs followed, it started to sink in: at the time I was laid off, management wanted to avoid signaling that the company was wrestling with any financial issues. Calling a termination a lay-off would have telegraphed that not all was perfect in adland. And remember, advertising is about image.
Now, this third and last round of pink slips can mean nothing else.
And I know what happened to me wasn’t my fault.
At the time, I had made myself a little crazy trying to figure out why it happened. I went over the previous two months again and again, looking for clues, looking for something I had missed that would tell me why I hadn’t measured up or why I wasn’t ‘worth keeping’. But I had only been given positive feedback up to the moment I was told they ‘wouldn’t be continuing with me.’
Now, several months later, after hearing the latest layoffs, there’s a small, little voice inside that is reassured.
Maybe misery just loves company. Or maybe I just need to know that I really did my best, and know that bad things do happen, even when you did good.
Did you ever blame yourself? And how did you feel if you heard others were laid off after you?
Tags: economy, job loss, laid off, unemployed
Ron Floyd said:
Apr 20, 09 at 7:19 pmYep - I know the feeling. I was at the “company” for 10 years. Then a Fortune 500 company bought it a year ago, and things started going South. I took the shop from a one machine shop to 10 and from five people to 40 in the shop. From one shift to three. Trained the three shift supervisors. The whole company grew from 15 to 200. We met our goals - reduced labor by attrition as work slowed. Then I was told that they decided to “eliminate the position of Production Manager.” Out the door I went without so much as a “Thank You” along with about 15% of the workforce. I beat myself up for a couple of weeks, trying to figure out where I went wrong. There were a few backstabbers that would get a smile from me if they got laid off too - but that’s unlikely. They are in the VP’s pocket.
Then, I finally decided that it was their loss anyway and I got to work looking for work and getting our finances in order. That’s when I started our website. Part therapy, part figuring that there are about six million others just like me out there. We’ll see how it works out. Keep your chin up - it does get better - really.
Good luck,
Ron
PW said:
Apr 20, 09 at 7:50 pmHi FFN - that’s a complicated question that you posed towards the end of your post. Do you ever blame yourself and how do you feel when you hear that others were laid off after you? The short answer to the first question is yes. Even after three years, it still haunts me. There’s too much to go through to provide an adequate background but there were mistakes made on both sides and in the end, I was fired. As for the second part of the question, there have been some additional layoffs since my departure in November last year. And quite frankly, I felt some vindication but really, it was a shitty company and in some ways, I’m better off not being there. Gee, wouldn’t you like to be coerced into contributing $50 towards a Christmas gift for your boss and be expected to do a skit for entertainment at the Christmas party? Makes me feel a little better that I got fired in November.
tanya said:
Apr 20, 09 at 9:05 pmit’s been 2 weeks and every morning i wake up thinking about what i would be doing at work right now. i have anxiety over the things that were left undone, as my layoff included a two week notice, but not a working one. i think of the mistakes i made, and the “what if’s”. then i get over it for a while, then cycle back through. for me, it is unlikely that my next job will be as lucrative, and that is hard to cope with.
Gioia Albi said:
Apr 20, 09 at 9:06 pmFFN, I’ve felt that it was my fault. Not a day goes by that I don’t wake up, drag myself out of bed, start the daily job search and wonder what could I have done or said or not done or not said to keep my job. And, I live in fear that I might do or not do or say or not say the same thing and end up without a job again…when I’m not even rehired yet.
I will say that this round much more painful because I did leave a job that I loved for a better opportunity only to be a victim of last in/first out. So, yes, this time more than any other, I am blaming myself.
Working in marketing for small companies and non-profits, I’ve been laid off before and it’s actually more painful when it happens again, not less. But, because I have been through ths before, I know in a few years, I won’t feel this pain over this job anymore. And, hopefully, I won’t feel this pain over any job ever again.
Lola said:
Apr 20, 09 at 10:29 pmOk well I worked faithfully and proudly for a Fortune 500 company, I was so loyal, I was so happy to be employed by this prestigious Big4 accounting firm. It was like wow me, a middle aged Latina, I have skills, in fact I have great skills, but when that so called accidental voicemail went out to the “Partners” of the firm on that fateful day quite a few of us suddenly became aware we may not be working the following week, shoot we may be out of a job the next day! After an apology came out in the form of another voicemail which is like a hairdresser piling on hair remover on your head and saying oops I thought it was the deep conditioner. Well you just can’t come back from that. Therefore, 30 of us lost out our jobs that day. And, here I am unemployed, no money coming in, won’t bore anyone with the sad details what I can’t do, but lets say, the roof over my head is soon going to be the tree at the local park, my car will be the shopping cart I push and what I eat is whatever I can find along with all the other homeless people. I have never been this bad off financially, I just didn’t expect to be without a job. And what’s worse is the very people that used to be my so called friends who are working suddenly have become too busy to see me, and can’t spare $10 so I can buy a few items at the grocery store. I was actually insulted by a person whom I supported who lives in another country and offered to help me then he decided that perhaps someone closer to me geographically could assist. What can I do? I am grieving; I mourn that job I loved so much. I hurt and I sometimes well tonight I feel like cashing in my chips, I just want to work. I want to be needed. I can’t win the lottery; I can’t win the contests I try out for. Am I a worthless speck in this universe? Someone please help to find the good, help me to want to wake up tomorrow and try again? Because right now, death is an out for me.
Susanna said:
Apr 21, 09 at 1:05 amI was one of the last ones kept, and I was surprised, honored, and very thankful. but my day came, and this week I am officially laid off.
But I can relate- I felt occasionally that bit of pride- that I was important enough to keep. now that I am jobless, I feel the opposite effect: why wasn’t I good enough at what I was doing, to be important enough to keep? what did I do wrong?
hard questions, hard answers. it’s not a pretty sight, what is going on around us. I’m just very grateful I have a source of hope that will never let me down!
Lola, do you need someone to talk to? Do you need some help? Let me know!
Sarah said:
Apr 21, 09 at 5:20 amI was also laid off in November. I have had a lot of guilt and sadness. I was in sales and I missed my clients very much. I still think that they must wonder “what did she do wrong?” My job centered around the real estate market and when it went bust, our business got very slow. It also doesn’t help that I wokred for a manager who was a great sales person…horrible manager! Even though it was coming from the Pres. of the company to not bring on new clients, my manager would ride us day and night to sign new clients. I would close a sale only to have the corporate office deny the new client’s agency! It was a constant circle of stress!
I was also totally humiliated when I was let go because my manager called everyone into the office for a “meeting”. He spoke with me first and let me know that I was being laid off and then he went out and told the rest of the office. We only had seven people in the office, but really, how do you keep a smile on your face and say “hey! it’s fine! i understand that it is just business?” I remember feeling hot and my stomach churning. That was the worst of it all.
So, I’m still looking for something in sales. The career path I had chosen in real estate title insurance sales is not a promising future. So, I’m looking to move into pharmaceutical sales. However, most of those companies are under a hiring freeze. I am stressed. My marriage is stressed. My relationships are stressed. I know that the right thing will come, but until then, I am fine admiting that I am still mad, I’m a little scared, and I’m just plain tired of corporate America.
eve said:
Apr 21, 09 at 6:29 amWell yes, someone else was fired with me so I did feel better I was not the only person. He was great at his job and really liked, that made me feel like less of an idiot! People still call me and tell me they feel like they are on the chopping block too, and yes I do feel better about it. Somehow I have received a BETTER job offer starting May, met a great man, have better hours… So in a month or so I will be ready to thank my old boss! Financially it has been really hard, no umemployment and a part time job, that is the only thing I feel bitter about.
Sara- I am not sure where you live, I am in sales also and I have had no problems getting interviews (sometimes as many as 4 a day, 7 offers so far since mid March) just don’t limit yourself to one area. I’m going from selling a service to a product. Great places to look online education companies or healthcare sales- if you need info. Let me know, I have been in both for over 5 yrs and know how/who they hire.
ffn said:
Apr 21, 09 at 7:11 amLola — I understand. I’ve been in dark places before too and thought about things you are. Please visit this page: http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
It’s a great resource. Please reach out and find support. Death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Right now, I know that everything feels incredibly bleak. But the only thing certain about life is change. And this will change too. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. Find one thing today to focus on if you can, one act you can do, whether it’s going for a walk, calling a friend or family member, calling a support line. Then you can face tomorrow. Post as much as you want. Visit the forum here. best, ffn
Tina said:
Apr 21, 09 at 7:33 amFirst: Lola, you need to know many people feel this way too. Just remember everything comes in cycles and this downward cycle will also pass. Things will get better. There are people available to help - online and by phone to help get you through this stressful time. Churches and community organizations are also available even though their resources are stretched tight. Getting through the next five minutes, the next hour, the next day can be exhausting sometimes, but before you know it time will have passed and things will be better. It is better to have one or two close friends, then a boat load of false friends giving platitudes when convenient. Cherish and let your close friends help when they can. For me, just being able to openly talk or cry with people I trust has been a huge help. Remember, you didn’t get your former job by luck - you earned it. You’re smart and this country needs smart people now more then ever.
FFN: I agree with you 100%. Several weeks after I was “laid off/restructured/left behind while they moved in a different direction”, I heard my former employer laid off 27 other people. While I was sad for those now displaced former co-workers, it did make me feel slightly better to know I wasn’t the only one. It was a business decision. I still get a good glimpse of what’s going on at my former company and feel even better knowing that things are not getting done, deadlines are not being met, campaigns are launching with obvious errors (the same errors, from the same departments time after time after time) and my former staff misses me and is under a ton of stress right now.
Three months into this and I am in a better emotional state then I have been in years. Yes, I’ve had to make adjustments - but so far, we’re still making it.
SurviveUnemployment said:
Apr 21, 09 at 7:45 amI beat myself up over it for a while, then realized that it wasn’t necessarily my fault, nor was it necessarily a bad thing. It really was their loss. They kept a lot of dead weight around. At the end of the day, it made me realize that I don’t want to leave my fate in the hands of some HR moron.
Historically, most successful long-term businesses are started during times of economic crisis, not times of economic boom. I’m working on starting a business with the hope that I will be able to make a living and hire people at some point. Others will do the same.
Arimdan said:
Apr 21, 09 at 8:22 amAbout five years ago I was fired form my job in one of the worst ways possible.I was lied to up until the minute I was fired.I had been managing a sales route for someone I thought was a friend.For fours years I never took vacation,or called in sick.I was late a few times,but I always made up for it by working longer hours,and working hours that I wasn`t paid for.Then one day my boss offered me a vacation,handed me my paycheck,and said,”Oh,by the way,your vacation is permanant.”
Arimdan said:
Apr 21, 09 at 9:45 amOk,that was five years ago.After the above experience,I decided to completly change my life around.New gf,new type of job.Saw an ad for a company that wanted to train people to provide emergency auto repairs.Got hired,got trained,worked for the biggest of that type company for a year,then turned it into my own business by contacting to that company,along with a few other companies.After three years,after many request for more extensive service,moved 80 miles,spent all the money we had to open up a garage.Took six months to get all the necessary permits and licenses from state…almost broke by this time.Shop finally opens to… Recession !!! No business coming in.Shop closes!! So,now,I am in strange new town,no money,no unemployment,$15,000 in debt and being sued by landlord of garage for another $15,000 for breach of lease !! Wondering if I should even bother to continue in auto repairs given the current crisis in this field.Ashamed to go outside during the day to let the dogs out because all my neighbours can see that I am still unemployed !
eve said:
Apr 21, 09 at 10:07 amArmidan at least you had the courage to open your own shop! Hang in there. No risk no reward, no shame - this could just be a bump in the road for you.
eve said:
Apr 21, 09 at 10:09 amOh and Lola, no job is worth feeling like that. I have felt it too but in the end there is something good that will come out of this. Get some support if you need it- just hang in it will get better!
Tina said:
Apr 21, 09 at 10:27 amArimdan: OY! Don’t worry about your neighbors. If they can see you they might be unemployed or furloughed like my neighbors also! Hope things pick up for you.
ffn said:
Apr 21, 09 at 11:18 amArimdan: Tina’s right. There really is no shame in your circumstances. Chances are, it’s happening all around you. You put a lot of effort and determination into what you were building and for that, you can feel proud. I know it’s tempting, but don’t lock yourself inside. Getting out with your dogs and walking them could actually be a great antidote. Hang in.
DWF said:
Apr 21, 09 at 1:16 pmAbsolutely! 100 percent! I was just feeling like this, and came here, and voila, here the post was! Even though I was one of 16 people to go, I kept asking myself what I could have done to have NOT been let go, or comparing myself to the other people in the company who were let go — was I better than them? Worse? And also the fun beating myself up that I should have KNOWN it was coming and been trying to get a new job already. Sigh! This crap sucks.
Tina said:
Apr 21, 09 at 1:53 pmDWF: Yeah - the part about knowing it was coming…I get that. I wrangled with the same thing for weeks and honestly had a hard time just getting through the day. I felt like I let my family down…that apparently I wasn’t as smart as I thought. What kind of mother would NOT see this coming??? But eventually ya gotta let it go. Shoulda, woulda, coulda, we’re all here now.
Just think, if you were still at that job you might be stressing out wondering when/if/how your pink slip will come. Now you can just focus on moving forward, one day at a time. Don’t beat yourself up. There are plenty of bozos out there in CEO and VP suits ready to do that for you
This too shall pass and those CEOs and VPs? Karma baby! I very much believe in Karma.
FFN: I’m so glad you kept your site going even after you got a new job. See how much we all need to vent safely? I think you really hit a spot with this latest post. Thanks. Hope the new job continues to go well.
ffn said:
Apr 21, 09 at 4:44 pmTina — thanks for the props. My frequency of posts may go down a bit, but I’m really glad I got the support I did here on the blog to continue after getting my job. There’s still a lot to say.
Karol said:
Apr 21, 09 at 5:21 pmwhen I was laid off there were a few people who were also let go. Yes, I thought maybe it was something I did but then I thought, no. I had excelent reviews and management would have kept me but the corporate office said they were downsizing and I was one of the last hired and so, I was let go, gave my walking papers. I did my job and did it well! I enjoyed it. I never went to work in a bad mood and I enjoyed the people I worked with. I was laid off in December and even though I was angry at first, and hurt, I know that it was a blessing. What I took for granted, I no longer do, and I enjoy my family more and appreciate having time with them. Lola, please try. You are worth it! You may have loved the job but people love you and they need you. I know it is hard and I know that you feel like you have been dealt a bad hand but network, get your resume’ out there and talk to people. Life is better than taking the route you speak of. Please give yourself a chance. People blame themselves for their lay-offs all the time. But we did nothing wrong. We can look at it with regret, with anger. It is natural.But I choose to try and wake up each day with a smile. If nothing more, it makes me feel better and it is contagious. No matter what my circumstances, I feel better about myself. Sure, I am on unemployment and have to renew next week but it isn’t the end for me. i will make it through this because determination, my faith and hope for a better tomorrow, motivates me. I won’t give up, and I hope and pray no one else does either.
Karol said:
Apr 21, 09 at 5:24 pmffn, congradulations on the job. Glad you are still writing. Makes us all feel better that we still have you here. Have a great day!
Karol said:
Apr 21, 09 at 5:32 pmArimdan, why should you feel ashamed? You aren’t alone.This recession hit a lot of people hard! It isn’t any more your fault than it is mine. You have nothing to feel ashamed for and if your neighbors are good people, they won’t judge you. Sometimes a situation like this makes us feel ashamed and makes us feel that we are not worthy but you are. Hang in there. You built the business up, you can do it again when the economy picks up. It isn’t going to be easy but it is ok. Hard work, determination helps. I wish you the best. And walk your dogs, get out, meet people and you will be surprised what you find. Your mood will change and you feel better about yourself. It is theraputic and it will help you to think clearly. If you believe in yourself, anything is possible, and better to get out and be with people than inside, feeling sorry for yourself and wondering what next? So get up, stretch, take the dogs for a good walk or run and clear your head and move forward! You will be glad you did. Besides, I know how you feel, and so do a lot of other people. we don’t judge and we don’t disrespect anyone in our position. Take care.
BZ said:
Apr 22, 09 at 7:07 amI read half of the postings here but rushed to write something after I read Lola’s post.
I was laid off last Friday. I worked with the company for 1 year and 1 week. The previous company that I worked for went down so this new company offered me a job (through someone I knnew).
I kind of got the message. My boat was sinking and I had a second chance to get on another one a little bit longer. That made me realized that I should be prepared in case this one sinks too. So, with a lot of effort, I prepared myself a little bit financially. 6 months into the job, I realized that It was not what I really wanted to do so I reinforced the fact that I should prepare for the worse. A week before they let me go, we received an e-mail where they said that due to the financial situation no one will get a raise this year and that they were avoiding lay offs. I did notice that I had not much to do as time went by. I prayed and asked God if they were going to let someone go, that should be me. I have three children and a husband that still works,(thank God) but I had some personal plans to meet with my children and parents, and if this would be the time to do it, to please allow it to happen. I started feeling miserable at my job. When It happened I felt guilty, blamed on and I think I was the only one who got laid off so far. Well, I was basically the last one hired and in a position that was not that important to the firm since the jobs were being put on hold. If I really wanted the job, I would have fought for it, I said to myself but what was i fighting for if I was not needed anymore? You can read how I am justifying myself and trying to blame it on me. They told me I could come back if they needed me again and I was even invited to an office party. Should I attend since they still like me? So many questions I ask.
Yes, I will feel the financial burden in a few months and If I don’t find a job I will be losing my house. I have peace in my heart since I will be spending quality time with my children and parents. Who said it will be easy? I just wanted to let you all know that we have been the chosen ones for a reason. There is a plan for us. This are lessons learned. We are sometimes sent signs and we don’t listen to them. With the economy the way it is, It could happen to the best of us and it is NOT OUR FAULT.
Please take this bad situation and turn it into something positive. Spending quality time with your loved ones can be one of them. I’m still figuring out what else I can do to survive. I guess giving you my feedback is a start. keep looking and stay positive!
Ron Floyd said:
Apr 22, 09 at 10:44 amI’ve been reading all of the posts, and see the general trend - extreme discouragement. Although normal, that can be destructive. We have lived in “oil country” most of our lives, so most jobs in our area are tied to energy (oil) prices. As a result, we have been laid off several times during “busts” and overworked during the “booms.” Nothing makes the layoffs much easier, but there are many things we can do to lessen the effects – especially the financial aspects. Our little website has some tips and suggestions, and all are welcome to check them out. It is not a job search site, but just a site that tries to help with the difficulties encountered during layoff periods. It is not “officially” up yet (hopefully all pages will be up by May 1st), but about 60% of its content is available now. Everything is free there – not even AdSense ads for now. Several of us that have been working on it have been through multiple layoffs, so there may be some info there that could help. It costs nothing to check it out. Keep your chins up, and remember that family, friends, blogs, etc. can all be very supportive. You are not alone in this mess. It’s NOT your fault, and we all can get through this if we work together. Take care and God bless and guide us all.
Please check out our site to see if anything there can help you. There is a feedback page there, so feel free to contact us there if you would like. Go to:
http://www.beyond2009.com
Ron
Karol said:
Apr 23, 09 at 3:46 pmDicouragement yes, extreme, maybe, but definately, together, we can all work this through. supporting and encouraging one another is best. Although we may think at the time, our lives are falling apart, we will survive. Times like this will make a person stronger, able to cope, better us in making decisions, put us in motivation and determinations molds, Most of all, it brings to light what our priorities are and what we use to take for granted, we no longer do. One person can’t deal with everything. They need someone to talk to to, even if it is sitting behind a computer. Talking things out, writing them down and getting imput from others in simular situations, if not the same situation, is what support is all about. Everyone needs that, wants that, and every person here understands the importance of it. We all start out as strangers but some have made friends here. Sometimes, when one feels hopeless, and blames themselves for their circumstance, having someone listen means the world to them, the difference between life and death. If we all listen more, if are able to vent our frustrations and someone responds, it gives hope. Without hope, we become alone, and we know that a situation can turn for the worse. So I encourage people to be sympathetic, be responsive, encouraging to your neighbor or even a stranger who has lost a job, who needs someone to listen to their side, their feelings and maybe we can all help someone who needs to feel wanted, help each other. Society has left us feeling abandoned but it doesn’t mean we can’t feel for those who are in the same boat, who need a little pick-me-up and a smile from time to time.
MARIA!!! said:
Jun 02, 09 at 5:07 amARIMDAN, I’M REALLY HAPPY FOR U& BLAZE, CAUSE U USED TO SAY UNPOLITE & BAD THINGS ABOUT HER. I’M HAPPY THAT U FINALLY CHANGES U MIND NOW. I NEVER WANTED TO BE WITH U, I’M GLAD U FINALLY GOT IT. MARRY HER, OLD WOMEN NEED TO HAVE SOMEONE AROUND. AS LONG AS SHE CONTINUES WRTTING ABOUT ME ON HER PROFILE PAGE I WILL HAVE FUN. U REALLY FUNNY AMERICAN GUYS, U BOTH R SO STUPID LIKE BUSH :-)))) SO THANK U FOR GIVING ME FUN AND FOR BEING MY ANIMALS IN CURCIS. :-)))
Business Mess said:
Jun 10, 09 at 3:41 amWhat I have to say is just few words.
“In One day every one have a chance to find their way”
Christian the Failure said:
Aug 03, 09 at 1:29 amI have been in the company for about five years and all of a sudden my job was gone and I stood there, jobless without earning the money to keep on living the lifestyle I used to. Though I have been very good in what I did, professionally. It just did not seem fair to me, but I got over it and moved on and finally made the decision that it is time to be the best person I could ever be, every single day of my life.
Buy UGG Boots said:
Oct 31, 09 at 10:06 pmit’s been 2 weeks and every morning i wake up thinking about what i would be doing at work right now. i have anxiety over the things that were left undone, as my layoff included a two week notice, but not a working one. i think of the mistakes i made, and the “what if’s”. then i get over it for a while, then cycle back through. for me, it is unlikely that my next job will be as lucrative, and that is hard to cope with.
Kenrick Chatman said:
Jan 20, 10 at 7:36 pmUnfortunately, displacements were really common in 2009. You should take time to reflect and learn from your displacement and work towards landing your next opportunity which is really difficult to do in today’s job market.
Mary said:
Apr 06, 10 at 4:54 pmWhat’s going on in 2010?
laid off over 1 year ago. still fuming but surviving
Is it really getting better ? I don’t see it